A Defense of Christianity

Alright, haters. It's time for me as a Christian man to lay something out for everyone out there. I've been getting quite a lot of e-mails lately, of people saying, "Hey man. This is why Christianity and religion is bogus." Then they've given me a list of reasons as to why it is. These cheap amoral punks. Forgive me Father for name-calling, but I get so angry sometimes.

So, I'm going to step off my high-horse here, try to push the imagery of horse fetuses dying to the back of my mind and clear some stuff up for all those non-believers out there. I'll preface it with this: There is a God. Without him you will burn.

Here's a list of complaints that people send my way, or arguments against the Almighty One's existence.

a. "It hasn't been proven."

Uh, yes it has. Try reading the Bible? It's this thing that will save your life.

b. "Why trust one book written by humans? Don't humans make mistakes? Is there no such thing as Biblical fallacy?"

Let me hit you back with a HEAVENS no. Every thing in that book in fact. Humans are prone to sinning and mistakes; yet God made sure that they were perfect when they wrote that to pass it on to the rest of us. That's an undeniable fact. As a friend of mine would say, "Logic FAIL."

c. "So if I don't accept Jesus Christ into my heart, I'm going to Hell? What about people in Africa that have never heard or been introduced to Christianity?"

Yeah, that's right. Those poor Africans are going to Hell. Hurts me to say it, but there's a reason God put us here, and told us about Him, and them there with no clue about their creator. We are the chosen ones.

d. "Does that make God racist? There was slavery in the Bible..."

Well, those people deserved it. God does no wrong. If slavery continued to exist in the United States today, then I'd say, as a Southern Baptist-God fearing man, so be it. It is the Lord's will.

e. "So some people have more natural rights than others? Isn't it contentious to force that you're 'the chosen few' down others' throats?"

Interesting view. But the answer is no. The Apostles certainly had no problem with shoving information that they were going to live everlasting life down others' throats. So I don't have that problem either.

f. "Wait, so you're Southern Baptist....doesn't that mean that Catholicism was the original Christianity? Didn't some nutter named Martin Luther decide he didn't like some of the rules, so out of that sect came the Protestants?"

Catholicism is NOT Christianity, because they worship the Virgin Mary. And on another note, they've been associated with molestation of young boys. I'd hardly call THAT Christianity. And Martin Luther was chosen by God to change things up, and that's when the REAL Christianity came about, and we've been delivering the message ever since.

g. "But didn't Southern Baptists condone slavery and propagate racism? Didn't they apologize for that in 1995? Is that the message that God sends?"

Like I said, He does what He does. Whatever He does, I'm on board.

h. "So if that nutter Martin Luther created his own brand of religion and gained followers...doesn't that mean that he's on par with Joseph Smith, the creator of Mormonism? Wasn't he some guy who created his own brand as well?"

Definitely not. Mormons are easily mid-led people, placed here by Satan himself. I mean, multiple wives? Are you kidding me? God has installed us with a moral compass that anyone who doesn't have this, will pay for it in the afterlife.

I feel that I've defended our position and explained Christianity with a steel-like defense.

Please remember the horse fetuses. An astounding 34 horses were aborted in Missouri last night. Stop the violent killing of horse and all babies.